End of March....Spring is here!

Its going to rain today. I can say that with 90% surety because it pretty much rains every day. Especially when I wake up and the sky is all cloudy and gray and ugly. Plus it rains almost every day here so its not much of a stretch to assume that it will. Oh well, Nate took my car to work today (to save on gas) so its not like we were planning on going anywhere anyways. We try to get out of the house every few days or so just so we can change things up a little. Gets a little stale sitting around the house all the time. That's why the weather is so important here! Taking Tucker out isn't incredibly difficult but when I figure I have to carry a 16 lb.+ baby and a giant diaper bag and carseat while juggling keys and cellphone, etc. the rain just compounds the difficulty because now I'm doing everything soaking wet. Not so fun.

So today it looks like we will be staying in. No big deal. Tucker is still in the process of his late morning nap so I'm tied to the couch. Not that I'm complaining really, I have it very easy. Some of the most difficult parts of the day are simply deciding whether to make eggs and toast for breakfast or oatmeal. If its a particularly difficult day I have to decide whether to use my eucalyptus shampoo or my coconut. Generally if I plan on "doing" my hair I go with eucalyptus because it makes it a little more manageable and smooth for straightening, etc. But if I'm gonna be lazy and let nature take its evil, frizzy course on my hair then I go coconut and don't look back.

I digress, we really weren't planning on leaving the house today anyways. Tucker hasn't been feeling particularly well anyways, I'm pretty sure its for surely teething this time. He's a regular baby who loves to chew on his hands and pretty much everything else but it seems like he is doing it more often and much more vigorously. He is a little drool monster too. But that is also a regular baby trait. Who knows? I've been told by other people that he's teething all the time. I pretty much just ignore people when they say this because how would they know, anyways? Did Tucker tell you he's teething? No. The only reason I genuinely think he is now is because he just past his 6 mo. birthday and it seems like its about time. I have no evidence other than it seems like its about time.

Since he hasn't been totally himself, we will enjoy being lazy around the house. He's a baby and deserves to be treated as such. I absoutely HATE it when people tell me I need to "teach" him to play on his own or he needs to "grow" up eventually. Really? He's 6 mo. old! I'm not quite ready to make him get a job and pay rent quite yet. As he grows up he will only grow more independent from me and won't want to be held, cuddled, kissed, hugged, etc. So doggone it I'm going to enjoy his "baby-ness" as much as I can, while I can. I'm his mama and I know best. This is a fact that is not up for discussion or debate. Period.

Enough of my baby rant. Sweet boy has his 6 mo. checkup next week. I can't wait to find out how big he is. He's definitely grown significantly in the last two months since his last appointment. Most of his growing is obviously very subtle but I can see the change this time. I think most of it can be attributed to his eating solid foods now. He looooves his baby food! We are still nursing just as much but now he gets a jar of food a day (except on the days that I forget). So far he has had apples, pears, peaches, squash, sweet potatoes, green beans, peas, mangoes, kiwi, corn, and prunes. Peas were the only ones he didn't like. He's my little eating champion! He's even trying to grab the spoon and "help" me feed him. What a little ham....

He's also started to bounce and rock on his hands and knees. I don't think he's going to be crawling in the next few days or anything but I think sometime in the next month for sure. Who knows, he might even walk before he crawls!!! He certainly keeps me busy all the time with his antics...he's even started to whine and cry when I leave his area of vision. *Sigh* this is why I have strategically placed seats for him throughout the apartment. When I'm in the living room he is either on his mat, my lap or in his exersaucer. In the kitchen he sits in his bumbo chair and when I'm in the bathroom he hangs out in his lamb chair. I think he just likes to keep an eye on me to make sure I'm staying out of trouble. Lucky me to have such a watchful eye on me!!!

Well, the title of this post was about spring so I guess I should get to it. Its here! There are some pretty purple and white flowers blooming outside our apartment. Well there *were* some flowers blooming. We had a terrific rainstorm last week and it actually flattened all of them! I keep waiting for them to perk back up but the rain keeps pounding them. Oh adversity.....at least its warming up! Can't wait for the weather to keep getting better and to get out and explore with my munchkin!

Home Away From Home...

Tucker and I are on a little vacation right now...can I call it that when we don't do anything at home anyways? Vacations are for people who work so maybe ours is just a trip, who knows. ANYWAYS, we are home for a visit to Clarkston to see family and friends for a few weeks. We are also planning on blessing Tucker while we are here in my family's ward. Nate and I decided that it will be easier to do it in our family's ward rather than asking both of our families to travel. I'm so relieved that we are finally blessing our baby boy! Hopefully he doesn't wiggle and squiggle too much :)

Its nice to be at my parent's house for awhile. I keep calling it "home" and I catch myself and feel guilty because my "home" is in Silverdale with my husband. But as my mom always reminds me, it will always be home no matter where I live or how old I am. Its incredibly comforting to know that I can always go home again! So far we've been busy spending time catching up on everything. Tucker has been having fun with his cousins Savvy and Lizzie. He giggles so much around them and he is fascinated by them! Its really cute to watch them interact.

Tucker has been quite the little star since we've been home. He gets so much attention from everyone and I can't help but be the most proud mama! He loves all the attention too. We went with mom up to the hospital yesterday and Tucker just screamed and wailed the entire trip...as soon as we get to the reception area, he's fine. Then some older volunteer workers come over and start oohing and ahhing over him...what does he do? He turns on the smiles and starts flirting with them! Oh my little charmer! After the appointment, we got him back in the car and the first thing he does is start crying again....*sigh*

We will continue to be very busy for the next two weeks. We're going to a bridal shower tonight, reception next week, Tucker's baby blessing, family visiting...so much to do and its already been a week! The best part about being home is being able to have some help with T during the day. Its so nice to not have a baby in my arms all the time (am I terrible for saying that?) because everyone can't get enough Tucker time. Its great! We're working on getting T on a little better of a routine and we're trying to get him to sleep longer (which is is! crossing fingers for continued success) by feeding him what I call "slop." Its a mixture of formula, rice cereal, and first baby food (so far apples). Its seems to be working...there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

Ouch

So I'm toughing it through my fourth bout of mastitis...better known as breast infection hell. Not so much fun. Tucker and I have been waging a battle of epic proportions with each other...we both cry. Its not my fault that I'm sore and engorged and salty (had to look that up to confirm that infection does in fact alter the taste of the milk) and I guess its not Tucker's fault that he's a baby and doesn't give a rat's patootie about the previous.

*sigh*

I'm seriously considering giving up nursing all together. I've given my baby four full months of nutritious breastmilk, which is more than what I thought he would get when I had mastitis the first time....despite my little pat on the back for four months, I still feel like I would be a failure if I gave up now. I know that's silly butI can't help but think that since I've gone this long, I might as well stick it out. My goal is six months. If I can do that then I will be okay if I end up quitting anytime after that and before a year.

...

I spend alot of time on BabyCenter.com and therefore I hear alot about what other mamas are doing...I wish I could be one of those crunchy, cloth-diapering, breastfeeding, crafty, homemaker-types...but I guess that just isn't me. I can barely handle the breastfeeding! I'm not even sure being a stay at home mommy is all for me. Its definitely not what its cracked up to be...some days I go to the grocery store just for social interaction and I have to wander around looking for something to mercy buy. So Nate and I were talking about the possibility of me getting a part time job to get me out of the house (for my sanity) and for a little extra income.

We will see about that.

The weekend finally!

So its been another week....a better week...a refreshing week. I've gotten a good amount of rest (which is still not alot but more than before...any little bit is an improvement) Nate and Tucker and I have had alot of fun. I started swapping on http://www.swapmamas.com/ and it has officially become my new obsession. Its like shopping but without spending a ton of money...just the cost of shipping. And since I was going to get rid of a bunch of stuff anyways, its fun to get something in return. So far I've swapped some clothes, a purse, pair of gloves and some jewelry for baby clothes, baby washcloths/towels, skirt, shirt, and toy for T. I think I'm making out pretty good. I find myself hunting through the house with my camera looking for junk to swap...like I said, I'm obsessed. I've also spread the swapping fever to my mom, sis, and friends. Ooh its contagious!!!

I've also tried harder to accomplish some more things this week. Aside from cleaning out some boxes and stuff (for swapping) I've gotten some cleaning done (the whole kitchen in one day!) and I've tried out my new crock pot (thanks Mom and Dad) with a chicken chili recipe from my sister. Unfortunately for me, Shannon can throw a bunch of stuff in a pot and have it turn out delicious and when I asked her for the recipe it was more of a "dump it" type soup....with no actual recipe....So she gave me the list of ingredients that she generally uses and I kinda had to "wing it." So I went to the grocery store and bought the stuff and came home and pretty much dumped a bunch of stuff into the crock pot, turned it on, and left it to simmer and stew until Nate came home.

Fast forward 3 hours later....

Nate said it smelled really good (which is usually a good sign) so I tasted it and proclaimed, "this stuff is delicious!" And it WAS! So here's all the stuff I threw into the crock pot:

6 or 7 Frozen chicken tenders (yes, frozen)
Frozen corn (not sure how much b/c I just emptied the bag)
1 can kidney beans
1 can black beans
1 can stewed tomatoes
1 little can tomato paste
2 cans water
Handful of chopped onion
Squirt of spicy brown mustard
Dump of dry mustard (maybe about a tablespoon???)
Brown sugar (about a 1/8 to a 1/4 cup)
Pace Salsa (1/4 cup about???)
Salt/Pepper
Oregano
Basil
Parsley
Celery Salt
Spicy Mrs. Dash (Nate's idea)


So I think that is it....I was really proud that it turned out so good! Nate loved it (which is good, because he had to eat it!) And he is kinda picky sometimes and wouldn't have finished it if he didn't like it. So I passed the test- the bowl was empty :)

So the confidence booster was just what I needed so I decided that I'm going to try a couple new recipes every week to practice my cooking skills (going all Julie/Julia) and I will post success stories and good recipes I find. Today I'm tackling rice pudding. Easy, but new to me. Nice to get to spend the weekend at home with my boys and hopefully soon, a big bowl of warm, cinammony rice pudding.

Breakdown

Tonight I finally had a breakdown. To spare the dirty details, lets just say that there were tears on both mine and Tucker's part. Tonight we had a love-hate relationship. It was ugly.

But somehow I feel relief. I think I needed to hit the bottom (so-to-speak) in order to see how far down I had gotten. We stayed up late talking and trying to figure things out a little. I've never been a mommy and Tucker has never been a baby before. We're still working out the kinks in our relationship. We're adjusting to each other.

I never realized what being tired will do to a 14 pound body. One word- meltdown. He cried. Then I cried. And something amazing happened, he let me cry. He watched me. It was as if he was saying, "Its okay, Mommy. You can cry too." Tears are how we show our anger, frustration, tiredness, etc. That goes for babies as well as adults. Tonight proved that.

Thank goodness Tucker has such a short memory right now. He doesn't remember Mommy being upset or crying or anything else. All he remembers is that Mommy is his favorite person.



I like being his favorite person.

Naked Boy!

Daddy let T-Bone pee all over so while we were getting the bath ready, I snapped a couple naked pics...he was so cute with his little naked bum...now I have great ammo for when he gets older!

Late Nights

Well, here it is 3:33 in the morning and I'm up with Tucker (for the 2nd time tonight)...I keep telling myself that eventually he will get the whole "hey its nighttime, I should go to sleep" bit. But he's not even 4 months old yet so I certainly don't expect him to be able to sleep through the night already...it would just be nice. Nate is, of course, sound asleep in the bedroom while I'm on the couch nursing T, watching a zombie movie, and typing this...The weekends aren't really all that special anymore, every day is pretty much the same for us. I like the routine but I dread nighttime, which is a little ironic and sad for me because I used to be such a night person!

I've always been a night owl...in college I never went to bed before midnight and there were plenty of nights that went well into the wee hours of the morning. Maybe Tucker got that from me because he can stay up as late as he wants. Sometimes he gets a little crabby when he is tired but for the most part, it really doesn't phase him. I wish it would. I guess he just has an amazingly efficient digestive system because no matter how much milk I try to plug him up with, he will still wake up ever couple hours at night with a few random 3-4 hour stretches, on a consistent basis. There have also been a handful of times when he slept for 5-6 hours straight. I have come to terms with the fact that these are the exception and certainly not the rule.

...

I love my baby. I tell myself this not because I don't already know it but I need to be reminded when its in the middle of the night and everyone is sleeping but I'm not. Even when T is asleep I still can't relax because my body and my brain are telling me that even if i do fall asleep I will still have to get up and feed the baby again in a couple hours. *sigh* Sometimes I feel like I'm missing something and that I must be doing something wrong and thats why my baby doesn't sleep long periods of time. When I think like this I just have to look at T and make a goofy face or say something silly and get him to grin at me...then I realize that he is so flippin' happy that I must be doing most everything right because my baby loves me and that is all that matters.

Even at 3:33 in the morning.